


Falling Through the Cracks

by xxMad_Donaxx



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-03-23 23:39:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13798776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxMad_Donaxx/pseuds/xxMad_Donaxx
Summary: Set in a future where the last archdemon is centuries dead. Grey Wardens have changed physically but still watch for the darkspawn who roam the Deep Roads. Charlie Hawke is a normal citizen of Ferelden with many issues. Nataniel Howe finds her on his property overlooking a cliff and uses his abilities as a Grey Warden to get her inside his house. There he and Anders try to help her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the tags. I'll add more if it becomes appropriate. I've found it helpful in the past to vent in the form of fiction. So here is another look into my troubled mind.

Hundreds of years ago the last of the old gods were destroyed and the last blight ended. For the normal, untainted, races of Thedas time moved on and Darkspawn became legends. The darkspawn didn’t just disappear as many people think. They are still alive, hordes of them trapped in the Deep Roads that are entirely theirs now. Bereft of the song that drove them they are little more than beasts, wild and deadly and entirely without mercy.

The Grey Wardens still exist as well though many think they too are mere legend. They are not simply tainted individuals or ghouls that subsist solely on the darkspawn taint that has suffused every part of their bodies. They too changed when the last Archdemon fell but it was a change that took generations to be fully understood.

Grey Wardens cease to age when they are made. Canine teeth grew longer and sharper, perfect for piercing flesh and drinking mortal’s blood that they needed instead of food. Through the power of blood they can exert control over the mortal’s they feed from, mage or not. Their eyes grew sensitive to the sun and their skin burned easily. As a result Grey Wardens are almost entirely nocturnal, shunning the sunlight they find extremely uncomfortable. 

However much they’ve changed their duty hasn’t. They watch the entrances to the Deep Roads from every city and town in Thedas. Through modern surveillance techniques the sealed doors are watched every moment. For Wardens meddling in legal or political mortal affairs is forbidden by the organization but it doesn’t stop most from seeking a distraction from the mortals they watch over. Love is something no Warden seeks from them. Watching your mortal lover age while you do not is too painful for everyone involved. Every watch station houses at least two Wardens, often more, to help combat the loneliness of immortality.

Some areas require a larger presence but the city of Amaranthine and the surrounding countryside has been declared a relative save zone. There are only two permanent Wardens to watch the Arling but half a dozen come and go regularly. These two Grey Wardens are content with their duties. Over the course of two hundred years they have become lovers as well as partners. Like most Wardens they try not to become attached to mortals but sometimes it is inevitable.

Nathaniel Howe stood on the dirt road that ran along a steep cliff facing the Waking Sea. He watched a woman standing at the edge, looking out into the water. It was much too late for a normal human to be doing anything safe out here miles from the city of Amaranthine. One misstep would see the woman at the bottom impaled on sharp rocks. She hadn’t gone any closer to the edge but she was already too close for his liking.

Cautiously and quietly he came up behind her. He positioned himself to wrap his arms around her, one at her waist and the other under her bosom, pinning her arms to her sides. She gasped and started struggling as he hoped she would. Nate instinctively found her carotid artery and punctured it with his long canine teeth. Blood filled his mouth and he swallowed it, careful not to drink too much. The woman stopped struggling almost immediately and her head fell back onto his shoulder. Nate licked and kissed her neck to make sure the wounds were closed.

“Let’s come away from the edge,” Nate said softly into her ear.

“What are you?” she murmured.

“A Grey Warden,” he replied brusquely. “I’m interested in what you’re doing on my property.”

She tensed for a moment then became dead weight in his arms. Nate sighed and turned her around. Her eyes were closed and her mouth hung slightly open. She wore no make-up and her jeans and T-shirt were both well worn. Blonde hair was tied in a messy bun at the back of her head. Sure she was faking having passed out he hefted her up onto his shoulder and started off towards the main house.

The walk back was long but her weight didn’t slow him down. The two hundred year old house sat on land that had been home to the Howe family for many generations. After the previous mansion had burned to the ground the current one had been built to meet the Grey Warden’s needs. Above ground the descendants of Nate’s brother continued to live and procreate. The expansive basement was entirely Grey Warden domain. Since the house and the property it sat on belonged to the Wardens and the Howe’s were merely caretakers.

His relatives knew he was a Grey Warden and mostly stayed to their light filled portion of the house. To keep the peace he stayed in his underground section and didn’t feed off of them. In order to avoid anyone who might still be awake Nate used the cellar entrance to the basement and his home. He flicked a few lights on as he navigated hallways to his bedroom where he dropped the woman on the bed.

She uttered a surprised grunt as she bounced on the mattress. Her face was red but her green eyes were wide open. Nate smiled and spread his arms. “Welcome to my home. Now if you’d like to answer my questions we’ll decide what to do with you.”

“We?” she said uncertainly.

“My partner,” Nate said. “He’ll be along shortly. What were you doing out there?”

The woman frowned as she sat up. She drew her knees up and hugged her legs, looking down to hide her unhappy expression. Nate held in a sigh and sat on the bed beside her. It was disturbingly easy to raise her head. He looked into her eyes and exerted his will over hers.

“Sleep,” he ordered. Her eyes immediately closed and she slumped over.

“I’m the one who normally brings home strays,” said Anders from the doorway.

Nate snorted and gestured at the woman. “I’m pretty sure she was contemplating on jumping.”

His partner frowned and crossed their bedroom to sit on the other side of the bed. Anders gently straightened her sleeping body, her arms resting across her stomach. He looked over at Nate, expression serious. “Then we should keep her here awhile. Did you bite her?”

Anders gestured at her after Nate nodded. He took out his pocket knife and sliced the pad of his thumb. Blood welled sluggishly from the cut and he waited until his skin sealed again. Drawing on his power and the little bit of blood he’d taken from her, Nate ran his thumb across her forehead and smeared his blood across it. Her eyes popped open and focused on him.

“You will not leave this house without myself or Anders at your side,” he intoned. “You will do nothing to cause yourself or anyone else harm. Do you understand?”

The woman nodded and the blood across her forehead faded to match her pale skin. No matter how hard she tried she would never be able to scrub it off. It would remain until he chose to remove it. None but another Warden would be able to detect it. Her eyes drifted closed again and Nate stood.

“We should inform the commander,” Nate said. “What did you find?”

“Nothing,” said Anders as he shook his head. “She walked or took a cab to the service road.”

“Wonderful,” Nate sighed. “How old do you think she is?”

“I’d guess around thirty,” Anders replied after a moment. “I’ll check the missing person’s reports anyway.”

It was unlikely they’d find anything in missing person’s or any other database yet. If she had someone that would file such a report it would turn up in a few days. Anders stood and Nate turned away from the bed, reaching for his phone in his pocket. Unless this person was involved with the government somehow the Commander wouldn’t have any issues with her being down here with them. Meddling in large scale affairs was forbidden but interacting with individual mortals was encouraged. It was one way to remind yourself of why you were cursed, to remember your duty that could not be forsworn.

Anders brushed past him with a small smile. While he spoke with their Commander Nate searched for one of the guest rooms with a private bathroom. He wasn’t sure what to do about clothing for the woman but she wouldn’t want for other basic necessities. The staff upstairs in the house was also responsible for the basement. They knew about their periodic visitors and the kitchen staff would send down meals regularly after they were informed.

After he found one close to his room he headed for the cellar. Nate stayed to the shadows after he noticed the woman he’d brought home in the hallway. He shadowed her until she found the cellar. She stood at base of the stairs leading up to an old fashioned set of doors. They were set into the ground at an angle but the crossbeam had been replaced with a modern latch years ago. The woman could have easily opened them but from experience Nate knew she wouldn’t get halfway up the stairs.

Her blank expression turned bleak as she stepped up the stairs. As he’d known, she stopped about halfway up and strained against his orders. Nate stepped out of the rows of canned goods and cleared his throat. The woman startled at the sound and nearly fell backward down the stairs. He rushed forward and helped her with a hand at her back. She hurried down and away from him.

“I won’t hurt you,” Nate said softly.

“Why can’t I leave?” she asked nervously.

“Where would you go?” he said. Her gaze dropped to her feet and Nate held in a sigh. “Right back to the cliff.”

“No,” she said defensively. “I wasn’t going to… do anything. I just… like the view…”

“In the small hours of the morning with no moonlight to see by?” Nate said flatly. “Maybe I should have added no lying.”

“Why do you care?” she said sullenly.

“We could say it’s our job to care but somehow I don’t think you’d accept that,” Anders said from the doorway.

Sullen turned suspicious and the woman took a few steps towards the stairs that led to the main house above them. “Who are you two and why did you bring me here?”

“My name is Nathaniel Howe and this,” he said gesturing at his partner now standing beside him. “Is Anders. We brought you here because we don’t want to see you make a horrible mistake.”

“Mistake?” she said scornfully. “It’s my life. Why should you care what I do with it?”

“Because your life is already so short,” Anders said sadly. “I’d hate to see it end prematurely.”

The woman seemed to shrink as she slumped and hugged herself. She shrugged and said, “Whatever.”

Nate shared a concerned look with Anders. “Are you hungry?” he asked. “There should be something in the kitchen upstairs that…”

“Not really,” she interrupted. “I’m sort of tired.”

“If you’ll come with us Nate’s picked out a room for you,” Anders said using his best bedside doctor voice.

He touched her arm and she shifted her weight away from him. “Could you… not touch me?” she said uncomfortably without looking at either of them.

“We won’t hurt you…” Nate said delicately.

“Charlie,” she said softly. “It’s not that. I just… don’t like being touched.”

“All right,” he said nodding. “We won’t.”

“This way Charlie,” Anders said.

Nate led the way to the room he’d chosen, Charlie shuffling after with Anders in the rear. She looked around apathetically and collapsed onto the bed. In moments she was curled into a ball facing away from them. Anders took his hand and pulled him away. Nate shut the door and allowed himself to be led to the common room. They sat on a loveseat and Anders scooted close, their fingers twined together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware of how Nate could fuck with Charlie. Rest assured he won't. Grey Wardens have a much stricter entry process than in game here in this universe.


	2. Chapter 2

“That chick is super weird Uncle Nate,” Daphne said shaking her head.

Nate was in the upper section of the house talking with his niece. He had stopped keeping track of how many greats went before a name long ago. Daphne was one of a few that didn’t get creeped out by him and Anders. There were at least a couple every generation. In taking his niece to meet Charlie he’d hoped to get sizes for clothes since she refused to tell them where she lived. They were closer in age and he had hoped being the same gender would help but apparently he was wrong.

“She hardly looked at me,” Daphne continued after it was clear he wasn’t going to respond. “Talking to her is impossible. She mumbles, she only said yeah or nah and when I asked about sizes she shrugged.”

“That could be shy. What makes you say she’s weird?” Nate said frowning.

“Well she totally didn’t trust me but it seemed like she was scared of me.” Daphne frowned and shook her head. “That’s not quite it. I don’t know. She just gives off weird vibes.”

“Thanks for trying,” Nate said patting her shoulder.

“No problem.” Her expression lightened and a sunny grin appeared. She twiddled her fingers and said, “Hello Anders.”

“Hello Daphne,” Anders replied evenly as he turned to face Nate. “I got her into a pair of sweat pants and an undershirt. She didn’t seem all that comfortable with them though.”

“Maybe she’s picky.” Daphne shrugged then clasped her hands behind her back, thrusting her chest out. “So Anders…”

“Not for a while,” Anders interrupted with a short shake of his head. “We need to see to our guest Daphne.”

Nate arched an eyebrow at his lover as his niece pouted. Anders smirked back and shrugged. He wondered when Anders had sex with her without him knowing. Neither of them had been strictly monogamous with the other since they’d gone from co-workers to partners. When you could possibly live for a millennia variety was a necessity. Anders didn’t normally pair up with his family in the upper part of the house however. After thanking Daphne again they headed back down to the basement.

“When did that happen?” Nate asked curiously.

“Months ago,” Anders said ruefully. “When the Commander had you in Denerim for training and left Logan and Reese here. She’s entirely too eager to do it again.”

“That’s why you shouldn’t have sex with my descendants,” Nate snorted.

“They’re your brother’s descendants,” Anders said. “And maybe the Commander should leave people who don’t mind having sex with men next time.”

“Go to a bar in Amaranthine. You’ve never been shy about hooking up for a night before.” Nate elbowed him grinning. “Or maybe you went after her because she actually resembles me?”

“No comment,” Anders said smirking.

Nate chuckled and shook his head. “So do we have any idea what size of underthings Charlie needs?”

“Unfortunately not,” said Anders with a frown. “Her pants and T-shirt are both men’s though.”

“Odd,” Nate said also frowning. “Let’s go talk to her again.”

“I showed her the common area so she might be there.”

After a few minutes of searching they found her in the library. It wasn’t large as far as libraries go but it was bigger than the one upstairs. Charlie was down at the end of a row looking through the shelves around her. The first thing he noticed was how much better the sweat pants and undershirt fit her. The clothing she’d been wearing yesterday had been baggy and revealed nothing of what he was seeing now. Charlie would probably never be a model but she’d definitely turn heads in the grocery store.

The sweats and undershirt had probably come from the Commanders room. Charlie seemed to be similar in size to her. The Commander had a room in every watch house in Fereldan. All of them were fully stocked with clothing too. She wouldn’t mind Charlie borrowing but since it seemed that Charlie might be staying a while she needed her own set of clothing. 

The second thing Nate noticed was the book she held in one hand. Most of the young people he knew would have grabbed one of the e-readers from the tables. She turned from the shelves, her eyes cast down as she flipped up the cover on the book she held. Charlie took a few slow steps towards them, flipping pages as she went. A glance up sent her back a quick step, startled. The book snapped shut and her gaze bounced between them.

Nate held his hands up and said soothingly, “We just need some information. We didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What do you want?” Charlie asked warily.

“Sizes,” said Nate. “It would be easier if we could just go get your things…”

“Then let me go,” she interrupted.

“In time,” he replied. “When I’m sure you won’t end up in the obituaries.”

Charlie sighed and slumped like she had before. She shook her head and said bitterly, “I won’t do anything. I’m too scared to do it. Why do you care anyway? No one else does.”

“That can’t be true,” Anders said as he took a step closer.

“Don’t touch me!” Charlie exclaimed angrily as she backed away.

“I won’t,” Anders said calmly. “We want to help you Charlie. You have people that care about you whether you realize it or not.”

Charlie shook her head. “Don’t. I’ve heard it so many times. They get my hopes up… but…” She shook her head vigorously and set the book on the shelf next to her. “When I stop giving them what they want I’m not worth their time anymore.”

She grabbed the undershirt and yanked it up over her head. It was dropped to the floor and Nate saw her fingers disappear under the black sports bra she had on underneath. Nate whipped around so his back was to her and glanced over at Anders who had also turned. He was somewhat relieved that his partner looked as lost as he felt.

“What are you doing?” Nate asked.

“Giving you what you want,” Charlie said. He felt something soft hit the back of his head and something black flew between them. “Can I go to my room now?”

“You don’t need permission Charlie,” Anders said softly. “You aren’t a prisoner.”

“Doesn’t matter,” she said her voice wavering. “I’ll just fuck something up and you’ll probably throw me out anyway.”

They heard her bare footsteps moving away behind them and Nate sighed heavily as he stooped to pick up the black panties she’d thrown. He turned and Anders handed him the bra. “That could have gone better,” Anders sighed.

“At least we got what we come for,” Nate said holding up the black fabric. “Sort of.”

“Anything to be rid of us,” Anders said sadly. “She’s been hurt badly.”

“Keep digging through the reports,” Nate said. “She must have family somewhere. I’ll brave the sun.”

“Be careful, love,” Anders said. “And make sure the jeans and T-shirts you get are men’s.”

“Do you think that it’s important?”

“I think it is yes. Hopefully it’ll help put her at ease too.”

“All right. I’ll be back in a while.”

*

Anders yawned and scrubbed his face with his hands. In spite of the nap they’d taken last night after Charlie had gone to sleep he was still exhausted. Normally he would be in bed with Nate by now but they wanted to be awake when Charlie was. The last two hours had been spent at the computer terminal in their room searching the internet for a sign of who she might be. So far his search had been fruitless. In an age where the internet and social media had become so common it was almost a necessity to not find an online presence was a little odd.

Movement at the door caught his eye and he was surprised to see Charlie standing in the doorway. She was watching him, her expression full of wariness. The comforter that had been on her bed was wrapped around her, only her hands and head clearly visible. Anders sat back and waved her in.

“Are you cold?” he asked. “We can turn up the heat. Nate and I don’t feel it the same way you normal people do.”

“No,” she replied hesitantly. “It’s not that. I just…”

Anders barely saw her shrug but the color creeping up into her cheeks was very visible. She stepped inside the room and looked around before crawling up onto his bed. He watched her squirm around and get comfortable leaning against the headboard. The book she’d run off with earlier was clutched tightly in one hand and she glanced at him before opening it. Anders turned most of his attention back to the computer.

The urge to make small talk and converse with her was strong but he held himself back. He wasn’t sure why she’d sought him out especially after this morning. Anders was glad she had however and didn’t want to chase her away. So he glanced at her regularly while he searched through official missing person’s websites, public records for the city of Amaranthine and social media sites. Their eyes met every so often and Anders smiled but her eyes dropped back down immediately.

“Are you a mage Charlie?” Anders asked when the silence was starting to get on his nerves.

“No,” she said. “My dad was.”

“Was?”

“He’s dead.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

Charlie shrugged again and focused back down on the book. Anders watched her and frowned. Her tone was so matter of fact it could easily be taken for someone who was cold or uncaring. He hoped it was time that had deadened her emotions and not something more disturbing. Silence descended once more. She continued to read and Anders yawned as he brought up another missing person’s report. 


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few days Anders found Charlie was a mostly silent but constant presence. If he hadn’t been used to Nate’s stoic quietness he would have found it unnerving. He had begun staying in the common room most of the time so that Nate had somewhere to retreat to. Charlie didn’t trust him at all, which they both expected. She wasn’t the first person they’d prevented from going over the cliff at the back of the property but she was the oddest. Most of the mortals they brought home had clear problems. That Charlie had problems was obvious but neither he nor Nate could figure out what they were.

It would be much easier if he could have a real conversation with her. Charlie answered him with as few words as possible and very rarely initiated an exchange. Sometimes there was hesitation before answering or a small intake of breath like she wanted to say more but chose not to. There was little he could do until she trusted them enough to keep speaking. Until then he kept looking for her on the internet.

Anders checked the clock and stretched, pointing his toes with his arms extended over his head. Next to him Nate stirred slowly. After so many years of being nocturnal both of them found it impossible to stay awake the whole day. A nap when the sun was at its zenith was essential to stay well rested. Depending on when they woke it was easy to predict where Charlie would be. She had quickly formed a routine that she rarely deviated from.

His train of thought derailed at the feel of fingers sliding under the waistband of his boxers. He pushed up into Nate’s hand and hummed happily. Before his lover excited him too much Anders turned his head and rested his hand over Nate’s to stop any movement.

“Later love,” Anders said quietly.

“Promise?” Nate said after a sigh.

Nate moved a little closer and pressed their lips together. He pulled his hand out of Anders’ boxers but straddled his thighs instead of turning away. Anders couldn’t help sliding his hands down Nate’s side and briefly under his waistband as he was kissed a little more thoroughly.

“I don’t want to wait,” Nate whispered against his lips.

“When Charlie goes to sleep,” Anders replied softly. “I promise.”

“She does hang around a lot.” Nate moved off and sat up. “Even though I make her extremely uncomfortable.”

“I don’t think she’s very comfortable around either of us.”

“And yet she won’t go upstairs. Last night she snuck upstairs to the kitchen.”

“I wonder what makes your family scarier than us.”

He shrugged as he pulled on his pants and buttoned them up. “I don’t know Anders. You’d think she do anything she could to get away from a couple of myths that essentially kidnapped her.”

“I haven’t found anything on the internet either.” Anders stood and pulled on a pair of jeans. “We don’t even know what her last name is. It’s like… she doesn’t legally exist.”

Nate shook his head as he buttoned up his shirt. “I’m going to check the monitors then go upstairs and talk to Addy. If my family bothers her that much, she shouldn’t have to sneak around when she’s hungry.”

Anders nodded and sighed. Nate started for the door and he pulled a T-shirt on. He then followed his lover out of their bedroom but went the opposite direction. His laptop was still in the common room which was where Charlie should be. She looked up from her spot on one of the couches. Her feet were tucked under her and a book held open with one hand. Even though she looked back down at the book without a word spoken Anders had a feeling she watched him all the way to the table. He sat and turned the computer on.

“What are you looking for?” Charlie asked as he tried to remember where he left off at in his search.

“You,” Anders said after a moment.

“Don’t bother,” she snorted. “I don’t do social shit.”

“I can’t find any records of you at all Charlie. Not so much as a parking ticket. No one’s filed a missing person’s report either.”

“I have epilepsy. Not allowed to have a driver’s license.”

“Why didn’t you say anything about that before?” he asked half alarmed. “It’s sort of important.”

“You didn’t ask. And it’s not important.”

Her aloof expression turned uncertain and she shrunk away from him. Anders took a deep breath and scrubbed his face. The last thing he wanted was to chase her away. He couldn’t understand how something like epilepsy was deemed unimportant. “Do you take medication?” he asked after he was sure he wouldn’t sound angry.

Charlie shook her head and half turned away from him. Nate materialized beside him and spoke, giving both of them a small fright.

“And why hasn’t anyone reported you missing? No job? No roommates? Where’s your family Charlie?”

“Kirkwall,” Charlie replied after a moment. “I got fired from my job a month ago and my roommates threw me out because I couldn’t pay them rent. I told you no one cares. No one wants me around.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Nate said stepping around the table. “We can help you contact your family.”

“Don’t bother,” she snapped. “They don’t understand me either.”

“Charlie…” Anders began.

“Shut up!!!” Charlie yelled as she shot to her feet. “Do you know what it’s like to get turned down again and again because you don’t know how to sell yourself? Do you have any idea how hard it is dealing with shitty customers because you don’t know how to deal with anyone? What it’s like to not have friends! Because no one wants to understand you! You have…”

“Calm down,” Nate said authoritatively.

The effect was immediate. Charlie slumped back onto the sofa, lips pursed together. She held the book in a white knuckle grip against her chest. Nate took a few steps towards her and Anders followed. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she stared sullenly at them. Anders reached to a nearby side table and grabbed a box of tissues. Charlie took it when he offered it and half-heartedly swiped at her cheeks.

“This isn’t a contest Charlie,” Nate said calmly. “Both of us are over three hundred years old and we’ve been through a lot of things. Anders was abandoned in a chantry when he was twelve. My father sent me away to a boarding school in Kirkwall because he didn’t like me.”

“We don’t know exactly what you’ve been through,” Anders added. “We do want to help however.”

“What’s the catch,” said Charlie her voice wavering. “There’s always a catch. No one does anything for me.”

“There is no catch,” said Nate. “We just want to help you with whatever drove you to the cliff.”

Charlie shook her head. “I don’t believe you. I can’t believe you.” She pulled a tissue and loudly blew her nose. “I’m tired of being used.”

“Used?” Nate said frowning. “What do you mean used?”

“Money, chores, anything,” she replied listlessly.

“We don’t need anything,” Anders said. “We just…”

“Then you want sex,” Charlie said with a shrug. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone pretended to be my friend for an easy fuck.”

“No!” Anders exclaimed. “Absolutely not!”

“Why do you think we want anything of you?” Nate asked. “Why must there be an ulterior motive?”

“Because there always is. I… don’t fit anywhere. And the more I try to fit in the more I get hurt.”

She buried her face in her arms and her body shivered with the force of her sobs. Unable to help himself Anders sat next to her and pulled her into a hug. Charlie was stiff at first but leaned into his touch fairly quickly. His chin resting on her head, Anders looked up at Nate. His expression mirrored the emotions Anders felt bubbling up inside him. There was horror at what Charlie had claimed and sadness that she had no faith left in anyone.


	4. Chapter 4

Nate sat in the main monitoring station. A wall filled with screens showed him feeds from the cameras around the Deep Roads entrances in the area. There were cameras watching the inner doors and outside the buildings that had been erected around the inner doors to deter the curious. There were alarms set everywhere around the building and inside it as well. A routine maintenance crew would be arriving soon to see to all of these devices.

He was a little worried about how Charlie would react to an influx of people down here in the basement. There wasn’t much he or Anders could do to shield her from the crew and he hoped she wouldn’t disappear completely. Today might reveal just how much she didn’t want to be alone despite her distrust of people in general. Anders had gone into town to feed last night and had obviously found a diversion that kept him there.

Since they could access the camera feeds from their phones neither he nor Anders spent a lot of time in the monitoring room. Charlie knew they came here, even if she didn’t know why, and Nate had come up here to see if she’d seek him out when she didn’t find Anders. After her breakdown they both agreed it would be better not to push her at all. They hadn’t asked anything of her before but now they didn’t even ask questions. Charlie hadn’t deviated from the routine she’d developed.

The clock told him she should have been in the common room with Anders. He checked the monitors and swung his chair around so he could see the doorway. Nate wasn’t surprised to see Charlie half hidden behind the wall. She backed away from the door at first but cautiously stepped just inside the frame. One hand was twisting the bottom of her shirt into knots and with the other she gripped the door frame.

“Hello Charlie,” Nate said trying to sound friendly.

“Hi,” she replied flatly.

They stared at one another for a moment. Nate gestured at another chair and said, “I won’t bite you again.”

Cautiously Charlie took a few steps into the room, one hand unconsciously rubbing the spot where he _had_ bitten her. She glanced at the monitors as she sat but the uninteresting vistas didn’t hold her attention. Her eyes locked on his and both of her hands were wringing the bottom of her shirt. Nate resisted the urge to tell her to relax and waited. He turned back towards the monitors hoping she wouldn’t feel pressured.

“I can’t find Anders,” Charlie asked eventually. “Is… is he all right?”

“He’s fine. Anders left last night to feed. Since he hasn’t returned yet I’d guess he found someone to sleep with.”

“Doesn’t that…” She began in bewilderment. “I mean… I thought you two were… you know. Together.”

“We are,” Nate said evenly. “We don’t reproduce like mortals and there’s not much reason to be monogamous.”

“Aren’t you afraid of… catching something?”

Nate glanced over at her. She still looked more nervous than anything but her hands were still and he turned the chair slightly towards her. “The… stuff we’re given that turns us into Grey Wardens makes us immune to most mortal diseases. Anders thinks there are things we are carriers for but STD’s aren’t on the list.”

Charlie nodded slowly and silence fell between them. Nate turned back to the monitors and waited. After a long pause she shook her head. “That would bug me. Knowing my… partner was having sex with random people.”

“If we were still mortal,” Nate said evenly. “It would bother me too. But we’re not.”

“How can you stand it?” Charlie said quietly. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and shuddered. “Just the thought of living for three hundred years makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry. Most of the time I can’t stand the thought of living out my own life.”

“Anders helps. It’s… hard… watching everyone around you, everyone you cared about grow old and die. He’ll always be with me though. The Commander and the other Wardens. I know I’m not alone.”

Silence fell once more. Nate knew he’d done a poor job of answering her question. How he was content to go on through the years just wasn’t something he thought about. He knew before he’d been turned to a Grey Warden that decades would turn to centuries and he’d still look the same. It didn’t bother him then and it didn’t bother him now. Just being accepted as a Grey Warden recruit was rigorous and difficult. Charlie wouldn’t have made the first cut.

“There’s going to be more Wardens here soon,” Nate said after a while.

She nodded but said nothing. Her gaze was in her lap watching her hands wring the hem of her shirt again. He wondered if she wasn’t trying to work up the courage to ask him something. Even though she was leery of him Charlie hadn’t left after she’d found out what she wanted to know. Nate waited and watched her out of the corner of his eye.

“Can you take me outside?” she asked suddenly. “I… still can’t get out of the house and…”

“Of course,” said Nate after she clamped her mouth shut. “If Anders or I is with you, you can leave.”

“But you have to be with me,” Charlie sighed. “I still don’t understand why you’re doing this or why you care.”

“I need to get my hoodie,” Nate said unsure how to respond. “I’ll meet you at the cellar door.”

Charlie nodded and hurried out ahead of him. He didn’t hurry but he didn’t dawdle either. She was already there at the foot of the stairs when he arrived. Nate pulled the hood up and grabbed the sunglasses he kept in the pocket. She followed him almost eagerly up the stairs and out the door. The sun was halfway to its zenith and he turned his back on the uncomfortable light. Charlie stood facing it for a while, her eyes closed.

Nate followed an arm’s length behind her when she began walking. He waved to the groundskeeper as they passed him. It didn’t surprise him at all to find she was heading for the cliff. There was no way she could intentionally walk off to her death on the jagged rock below but he tensed anyway. Charlie stopped a few paces from the edge and watched the water.

“You’re so lucky,” she said miserably.

“Why is that,” Nate said after a moment.

“You have Anders. That’s… all I’ve ever really wanted. One person that believed I mattered. One person who won’t tell me I’m weird and leave. Some one that… won’t ignore me.”

“It took a hundred years,” he said softly. “I would have died alone in a mortal lifetime. I had my brothers and my sister. I wasn’t completely alone. I’m sure your family must be worried about you.”

She shrugged. “They don’t understand me. I can’t talk to them about any of my problems. I can’t… I don’t make any sense to them. And I don’t know how say so it does make sense.”

Nate didn’t know how to respond so he remained silent. He didn’t know how long they stood at the cliff, watching the waves rush in to crash against the land below. Charlie smiled at him when she finally turned away. It was a small wan thing and didn’t last but it was the first smile he’d seen from her. Nate followed her back, hopeful.


End file.
